Christmas Memories

I took some Christmas cookies to Kody last night. The horse stalls were outlined in lights and a lit-up Christmas tree stood in his apartment.  On this video you will see the pictures I took then and on Christmas day, photos I took from the computer of Kayla and Daniel's family, and one of Kody that appeared in the My Zeeland section of the Holland Sentinel (look closely at Joseph).  Enjoy!



Merry, Beautiful Christmas!

It is Christmas morning. I'm sitting alone in my living room by the soft light of the Christmas tree… beautiful. I glance around the quiet room and see each person’s face from the night before. I hear laughter as I remember my sister and brother and I reminiscing about our childhood, and Grandma defending herself. I recall thinking, “Mom, you are such a good sport, thank you for allowing us all to laugh together tonight, even if it is at your expense, it sounds so beautiful.”


A few days ago I went for a walk around our neighborhood after dark. It was very quiet and I could see snow softly floating through the light of the street lamps. I thought of my conversation with my sister on the phone that afternoon. Her voice was solemn as she told me about her family’s Christmas gathering, and how her glance around the room saw a missing child, and a son pale and tired from cancer treatments. The ache in my heart turned into words as I walked along in the snow, “He was only seven, Jesus…he was only seven.”

I felt Jesus weeping with me, His heart breaking too. I came to a bend in the sidewalk that wound along a small stream and under some  tall pine trees. It was dark for a second or two and that’s when I saw it. The moon was hazy, but it shone on the freshly fallen snow and everywhere I looked I saw tiny sparkles, like a zillion diamonds had spilled all over the ground! I stood still as the beauty of it seemed to wrestle with the darkness of my thoughts. Suddenly another thought burst through..."beauty wins!"  The horrible things of this life have been overcome by Jesus and in His time He will make everything beautiful...EVERYTHING.

Happy Anniversary!

Thirty two years ago today a winter storm threatened a young pastor named Steve Lorenz, as he battled his way across town to perform a wedding.  Jerry and I had met with him several times prior to, December 16, 1978, and he agreed to marry us, just not in his church.  I recall the reason being our confusion about Jesus, who he had tried so desparately to introduce to us.  But, there he was standing in my mom and dad's kitchen, brushing the snow from the shoulders of his long overcoat and carrying a Bible.  My dad had placed two neat rows of folding chairs in the living room and a beautifully decorated wedding cake sat on the kitchen table. 

Our families began to arrive as my sister, Sandy, and I giggled and chain-smoked (unfortunately) in the kitchen.  The guitarist arrived.  Jerry and I had chosen him on advise from Sandy, I think.  He sat on a folding chair by the front door and began to lightly strum his guitar and sing our songs.  First, the one Jerry had chosen for me, I Just Can't Help Believing, by BJ Thomas.  www.youtube.com/watch?v=ObJsdRFmeA0 .  Then my song to him, You Needed Me, by Anne Murray. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=B5HXGjgD06M.  They both sounded beautiful as the man's voice filled the house and our family took their seats.

Sandy stood next to me and Harry Padgett, Jerry's horse-back-riding buddy, stood next to him.  I wore a winter-white wool skirt and polyester blouse and Jerry wore a dark navy three-piece suit.  After our vows and a kiss we walked hand-in-hand to the kitchen while the guitarist sang, Follow Me, by John Denver http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nc_LyxO3Ncg.  Our families gathered around us with lots of smiles and hugs.  Someone picked up Kody from the sitter's house and he joined the celebration, too.

Our reception was held at Jerry's riding club.  It was a very treacherous car ride but everyone arrived safely, and even the friends who were only invited to the reception braved the storm to congratulate us.  We danced to, You Look Wonderful Tonight, by Eric Clapton http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fC04ZZploBE. Jerry's record player supplied the music and I was the only DJ reliable enough to change the albums once in a while.

Much later that evening, after our reception, a Christmas candle table decoration that was left burning started a fire that consumed my wool skirt, a dresser, a wall in our mobile home, and Jerry's glasses.  My parents house became our refuge as we stood on their doorstep holding Kody, all of us covered in black soot.  However, the next day we took Kody to Aunt Jan's, called my brother to reconstruct our bedroom, and left for Boyne Highlands on a skiing honeymoon, where Jerry got the flu.

Our wedding day has been a source of a lot of laughter over the years, but both of us have always been dead serious about our marriage.  It is a priceless treasure, my marriage to you, Jerry.  I know how deeply you love me when you call from your car to tell me to quick look out the window because the sunrise is beautiful.  You know that I love sunrises...and you know that I LOVE YOU. 

Pastor Steve, we believe in Jesus now and you were right, faith in Him has made all the difference in our lives!  And, Kayla, I still have the polyester blouse.  XO

The Circle of Love

For the past two days I have been home with the flu.  So, since I'm not treasure hunting in second-hand stores for the lamps I need for our bedroom, or Christmas shopping at the mall, I have been spending some of my spare time listening to my thoughts.

This morning I reflected on a question Kody asked me last night. He had stopped by to unload our new stove from his truck.  Later, while enjoying a "Dad's Burrito" he asked, "Why do you still worry about us kids, Mom?  You should be enjoying yourself, these are your golden years."  I chuckled nervously and he kept looking at me like he was waiting for an answer.  I didn't have one then but today, after giving it some thought, I think I do.

Because I'm your mom.

A Giraffe in the Barnyard

Several days ago my niece, Abbey, and I spent the afternoon watching my two-year-old granddaughter, Sharlet, play with a toy barn and miniature farm animals.   Abbey commented that there was a giraffe in the barnyard.  We both chuckled and I thought out loud that Sharlet probably didn't realize that the giraffe, belonging to a circus-train toy, didn't belong there.  "It's adopted," I said.  "I'm adopted," Abbey quickly responded and I instantly felt shame having connected adoption with not appearing to belong.  I stumbled through an apology and she said I hadn't offended her. We changed the subject of conversation and that was that.  However, I have been asking myself some pretty deep questions since that day.  I will soon become a grandmother through adoption and I desire a heart-felt understanding of it.

Where does the longing to belong come from?  What makes the sensing of it happen or not?  Must we look alike or be from the same race or background to possess the feeling that we belong?

Maybe the longing is from God and only He can truly make us sense it.  I was adopted many years ago into God's family through His grace and His gift of faith in Jesus Christ.  I look like Him when I surrender my heart, humble my spirit, and replace the passion of my soul to belong to the masses of this world with a passion to look and feel like a giraffe in the barnyard as I journey through it.

GOOD JOB!

Today began normal enough.  It is our week with Jack Jr. and Sharlet so after our morning routine we piled into the car and arrived at Jack's school right on time, as usual.  Teachers and adminstrators were directing a terribly messy traffic jam and we were right in the middle of it.  We learned that the furnace in the very old school building had come on and set off the fire alarm which brought firetrucks with their sirens screaming. I inched my way down the street to Jack's house and parked in his driveway.  I retrieved the stroller from his garage and quickly loaded Sharlet and Jack's backpack, realizing that I wasn't prepared for a stroll and my  house slippers and sweatsuit would just have to do.  I hate to admit this, but I took the time to grab around in my purse for my lipstick and quickly applied it before we hurried off to join the hundreds of other students and their families on the sidewalk in front of the school.  Soon, Jack excitedly filed inside with his friends and Sharlet and I strolled back to the car to begin our morning together, which I hoped would be just a bit less exciting.

Sharlet has started to call me "Marc" sometimes, probably because Jerry does and it tickles me.  When we arrived home she announced, "Marc, brush, brush!"  She loves to brush her teeth and I dedided I could probably take a 5 minute shower at the same time.  I shut the bathroom door tightly and moved her little stool to the sink.  I pulled up her sleeves and handed the toothbrush to her.  "Ank u", she said with a grin and I dashed behind the shower curtain to undress and get started.  When I finished I poked my head around the curtain to announce, "All done!"  She looked surprised and taking her toothbrush out of her mouth she exclaimed loudly with a great big smile, "Good job!"  I needed that.

Campfires and Bike Trails

On Labor Day weekend Jerry and I camped in Noblesville, Indiana which was the first stop on our trip to 8greattowns.com.  This is a picture of the prettiest bike trail we have ever ridden, it winds along the White River all the way to Noblesville and beyond.

One beautiful 70 degree day began with a huge home-style breakfast at Bub's, a restaurant just off the trail on our way to Broadripple, a quaint little neighborhood on the outskirts of Indianapolis.  After talking to several other cyclists we decided to trailor our bikes back to Broadripple the next day and ride the trail into the city.  The canal that runs through downtown was our main destination and a very fun bike ride!

Camping, being outdoors all day, and exploring new places on our bikes all added up to a perfect weekend!

Summer Memories

I have spent a lot of precious time with our grandkids this summer.  I have noticed bugs, butterflies and the sound of crickets like never before.  I've been hugged, kissed and smiled at more times than I could ever count.  I've touched baby-soft skin and held small hands of various sizes.  I've kissed scraped knees, pinched fingers and sun-warmed hair. 

Recently, as I washed the beach sand from one of their little heads, I recalled as I have countless times before, my own children when they were small.  For a moment I stepped back into a treasured time when the days of summer were a blur of beach towells, bicycles, and picnic lunches in the yard.  Back to the excited sound of children's voices and enterprises like club house building and lemonade stands.  As you can see that was quite a long time ago!

Out of Control

In this photo, Sharlet and Zion are patiently waiting for their turn to fish during a family picnic at Kody's farm a few weeks ago.  Sharlet seems to be saying, "It's out of our control, Zion, our older brothers are fishing first and we just have to accept it."  I have been learning a lot about acceptance this summer. 

As our time with Kayla and her family ticks away and the dreaded "good-byes" loom just around the corner, I am reminded how difficult acceptance can be.  We have had so much fun, made so many precious memories, and loved every minute that we were all together!  I will miss them all terribly, but it's out of my control, we have to say good-bye.  I know that God, who is in control, will continue to keep us all "heart- to-heart" close until our next reunion, just like He has always done before!

We are home!

A few months ago we sold our family home; the one in which we raised our three children, welcomed our first grandchild home from the hospital, and gathered our growing family together as often as we could.  As we searched for our new home, a condo seemed like the best idea.  But it had to have enough room for our whole family, a yard for the grandkids, and an extra bedroom on the main floor for their over-nights.  We were quite sure we had found the perfect one when we moved in, but we are very certain now because...well, see for yourself!

There is plenty of room for wrestling with Uncle D!

The pool has gotten smaller..but no complaints, yet!

The hill in the backyard makes a great slip and slide! 

The cul-de-sac was fun before, but when cousin Nate brought this truck over it became a "kids highway"!

Timbertown is just a stroll away!

We're close to the beach...

...and downtown Holland, where we were on the 4th, for the fireworks!

Kayla, because you're home, we now know for sure that we are, too!

Love Never Fails

Today I grabbed a beach chair, the straw hat that Kayla picked out for me many years ago, a good book, my camera and my phone and drove to the beach.  This is the view I enjoyed as I strolled through the sand to the water's edge.  It was quite early in the morning and it had rained so only a handful of people dotted the shoreline.

After I found the perfect spot to unfold my chair and get comfortable, a grandmother and her grandson began to dig and play in the surf.

I called my mom on my cell phone.  What is it about your mother's voice that just makes you emotional at times?  My mother's voice is hoarse now from cancer treatments but after just a few minutes we were both crying together and neither one of us needed to ask the other one why.  Tears flowed from under my sunglasses, cleansing tears not angry ones.  Pure love flowed with them for all the phone calls, all the emails, all the prayers, and all the love.  Love never fails the Bible says and I never fail to see and feel God in it!

A Father's Love

As Father's Day approaches I find myself thinking about four men.  My own father, who passed away three years ago this August, was the first man I ever loved.  He was a builder and to this day, the smell of fresh sawdust is my favorite smell in the whole world!

I have two favorite descriptions of myself, "Mom" and "Grandma".  But "Mom and Dad" and "Grandpa and Grandma" doubles every good and perfectly wonderful thing about them!  Is Jerry my better half?  I know one thing for sure, he is the half that makes me better!

Nine years ago a young man tapped lightly at the door of my heart and  I opened it just a crack.  When I saw that he was everything my daughter had told me he was, I through open the door and welcomed him in!  He is the loving father of three of my most favorite people in all the world, and he's devoted to guiding his family in the way of the Lord.

I have one more father on my mind this week and he is my son.  He became a father very young and to the world quite unprepared.  Upon hearing the news, a broken and fearful boy fell to his knees before the Lord and when his cries were met with God's strength and love, a man stood where a boy had been. In ONE DAY he turned his back on everything he was doing that would get in his way, and he walked with the Lord into a new life with a family of his own.  That life is being challenged right now and as I watch him, one word comes to mind to describe this father's love and it is heroic! 

Festival, Food, and Friends!

Thirty one years ago a young man called me on the phone explaining that he was a friend of my brother-in-law's and would like me to accompany him to the Festival in downtown Grand Rapids.  I didn't hesitate because my sister, Sandy, had met him and said that he was very nice. Kody was eight months old at the time and Sandy offered to stay with him while I was gone.

The following Saturday I was on my way to the Festival, a future re-marriage, a miscarriage, the saving grace of Jesus Christ, two more children, and discovering that I really was tucked safely deep inside the heart of a man that would work with me to create a marriage that could survive anything, and it has.  I was in for a pretty wild ride when I stepped into that young man's car on a beautiful summer day in 1978, but to be in love and loved the way that I am makes it all worth it!

Here we are at that same Festival, we went with our friends Steve and Garnette last Saturday and Steve

took our picture. 

Pirates, Cannons, a Fort, and a phone call

St. Augustine, Florida is the oldest continually occupied city in the United States.  It has the oldest wooden school house on St. George Street, and a fort dating back to the 1600's.  We loved the history, the beautiful beaches and gardens, and the amazing Fort Castillo De San Marcos.  The fort was made with coquina which is rock formed from tiny seashells that is strong enough to repel cannon balls!

Here I am with a "pirate" outside the store where we bought pirate hats for our grandson's.  I can't wait until we're all together this summer and I can get a picture of them wearing them! 

I will always remember St. Augustine, and Fort Castillo De San Marcos with it's enduring strength that has stood defiantly for over 400 hundreds years against wars, fires, tornadoes, and hurricanes.  I will use it's memory as a symbol of God's strength in my own life and in the lives of all the people that I love!

Oh, and the phone call that I recieved from home while visiting the fort felt like a cannon ball, for the first time in history, did penetrate the walls and land in the middle of my stomach.  But, like the coquina, God has placed His love and strength all around our family and we are safe, I feel it!

Happy Anniversary Kayla and Daniel!

Eight years ago today a beautiful wedding was held at Dimnent Chapel on the campus of Hope College where my daughter graduated three weeks prior.  The wedding plans had been thoroughly thought through and everything was perfect, even the tulips were in bloom on that warm sunny day in Holland. 

For twenty-two years the beautiful bride gracing the Chapel that day had exceeded all my wildest dreams.  I watched a passionate little baby girl, crying one minute and laughing the next, grow into a young woman with that same deep passion for life.  Her whole heart joined her young man's that day and a marriage was born that I know she will honor for the rest of her life.  As a mother, her heart holds each child separately and tenderly.  Knowing they are all little individuals she studies them and yearns to be the best mom that she can be to each one.  Kayla, I've been sitting here on the sidelines of your life watching, praying, and cheering you on for a while now and though the long blond pony-tail that used to race around the soccer field is now all neatly tied up and out of the reach of small children, I am still in total amazement at your passion, spirit and love for the Lord and the life he has blessed you with.  Happy Anniversary!  I love you!

If the world had a front porch....

"The best kind of friend is the kind you can sit on a porch swing with, never say a word, then walk away feeling like it was the best conversation that you ever had." author unknown

A large front porch is attached to the home of two of my favorite people.  It is big enough for swings, chairs, toys, cats, plants, bird-feeders and visitors like me.  I have been blessed to be a visitor of Sue-Sue's and Shari's on several occasions since my daughter married their son and grandson eight years ago tomorrow.  Each time my suitcase and I enter their home I am greeted with a warm, heartfelt welcome that stepping onto the front porch just seems to put an exclamation mark on, Welcome! 

A cat is usually sleeping on the floor while a soft shaded breeze whispers and birds chirp and sing.  I'm always drawn to just scan the country-side for a few minutes as the cow's graze in the "holler" beyond the flower garden which is wildly beautiful, with flowers blooming and vines twisting and toppling over the large stone path.  Not manicured, contained and boring.  An old rusty watering can that belonged to Sue-Sue's mother has been recycled and a constant stream of water pours from it into a small pond that Shari dug herself; the sound is very relaxing. Slate rocks surround the little pond and were found on the land that Sue-Sue's family homesteaded in the late 1800's and where the house, built in 1990, stands today.

Shari and Sue-Sue enjoy having their coffee on the porch every morning, and I am blessed to join them.  We talk about our grandchildren, mostly, three of whom we share.  We usually have too much catching up to do to sit quietly, but our conversations are some of my most memorable. Life just seems to slow down enough to be thoroughly enjoyable as we gently swing and talk on the porch and I love that!

The journey begins...

While visiting my daughter and her family, I read with great delight her blog about my grandson's third birthday party yesterday. The subject of my having a blog surfaced again and my daughter proceeded to sign me up. Amidst the laughter, tears, and potty calls of two of my dear little grandsons, she diligently completed my site and my journey begins. Thank you Kayla!

Here I am, upon my arrival on Tuesday, with Zion and Bright.